Marriage and Sexuality

Introduction and Thesis

There are few words more profound than these: “I take thee… to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance.”¹ These words are so often said in a traditional wedding service, and they greatly reflect the commitment in marriage demonstrated in God’s Word. However, what exactly is this lifelong commitment and union, and for whom is it meant?

Today’s culture offers many answers to this question. It posits that marriage is for the man and woman who love each other dearly, the two men joined at the hip by affection, and the two women irresistible to each other. Moreover, some even recognize that polyamorous (multiple sexual partners) and polygamous (numerous spouses) relationships are permissible and even encouraged, but is this the case? Where do sex and procreation fit into this picture, and what does Scripture say about these things?

This brief paper will answer these questions and more. Through thoroughly examining cultural perspectives, Biblical wisdom, and moral imperatives derived from Scripture, this paper will argue that marriage is a covenant relationship between a single man and a single woman, ordained by God to reflect Jesus’ union with His Bride, the Church. Furthermore, marriage exists for four primary purposes: procreation, unification, remedying sin, and the betterment of society.

The Counterarguments

In the modern day, marriage has a loose definition, catering to many different ethical positions and worldviews. In this society where personal convictions shape marriage, “love is love,” a statement exclaimed by those of the LGBT movement. Sam Allberry presents this “love is love” perspective: “One of the arguments commonly made today in favor of same-sex partnerships is that what must surely count above all else is faithfulness and commitment. Shouldn’t faithfulness within a relationship be what determines its moral goodness rather than the gender of those involved in it?”² This logic is relatively sound and is even accepted by many Christians today, yet it is not without problems. In 1 Corinthians 5, the Apostle Paul rebukes those in an illicit relationship (a son and his mother-in-law), and while it is not a homosexual one, he determines that regardless of their love, faithfulness, and commitment to each other, it is still morally unacceptable.³ That is to say, no matter how put together a relationship may appear, morality is not determined by feelings but by proper actions that align with God’s orchestrated plan. In Paul’s case, he rests his argument on God’s revelation, not cultural norms. Faithfulness is a good, godly thing, but the context of the faithfulness matters immensely. Christians, and indeed all humans, ought not to strive for mere faithfulness but Biblical faithfulness that aligns with the will of the Lord.

Furthermore, some interpret the Bible as reinforcing this “all about love” perspective. Quoted by notable individuals such as Barack Obama, British Prime Minister Tony Blair at Princess Diana’s funeral in 1997, the Rolling Stones, and Macklemore in his song and LGBT anthem “Same Love,”⁴ Paul writes a treatise on the importance of love: “And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing” (1 Cor. 13:2).⁵ Many secular individuals, and even some Christians, use this passage to strengthen their argument for non-heteronormative and non-monogamous relationships. Love is the end of all things; thus, a love relationship is morally acceptable, no matter what, to these individuals.

Further, the Scriptures tell them that “God is love” (1 John 4:8, 16). Therefore, they believe He is okay with all loving relationships because love is who He is. However, when this idea is met head-on, it is essential to iterate that all of God’s communicable attributes—love, mercy, justice, and holiness, to name a few—are not in conflict. If they were, God would not be simple. He would not be without parts, indivisible and unified. He would not be God. 1 John 4:8 does not reinforce “love is love” ideologies, for God’s holiness and love are always equal, each being who He is. Therefore, the love prescribed in marriage is bound by the parameters He has set in His Word. This point is usually combated by advocates of non-traditional marriages and unions, stating that humans wrote the Bible. However, this sentiment merits further study, as it would be far too complex to defend in this short essay. In short, the inspiration of Scripture is a core doctrine of the Christian faith. Humans wrote the Bible as the Holy Spirit carried them along, so they wrote everything God intended.

Some of those who take a more progressive view of Scripture accept God’s authorship of the Bible for some passages and not for others, as demonstrated previously. The situation is no different for those who wish to use the Bible to confirm their desires for polygamy or polyamory. While there are specific passages about these non-traditional unions, they are merely narrative passages. Ken Magnuson provides several points regarding polygamy in the Old Testament: 1) It was not condemned nor endorsed 2) It was mainly confined to rulers 3) It caused great strife for Abraham, Jacob, Elkanah, David, and Solomon, and 4) “the creation account affirms monogamy as God’s design.”⁶ It is important to note that while polygamy is never condemned, adultery is, and being sexually intimate with one wife is unfaithful to the other(s). Nothing good, apart from God’s redemptive plan, ever came from polygamy or polyamory.

Many more arguments endorse these various non-traditional unions, some rational and plausible. However, when compared to the plan for sexuality and marriage God has laid in His Word, they fall short, for the Biblical definition of marriage and sexuality is the most compelling and divinely ordained standard.

Defining Biblical Marriage: A Brief Biblical Theology

Ken Magnuson defines marriage in the following way: “[M]arriage is the comprehensive union of one man and one woman in a fruitful, exclusive, permanent relationship. It is a provision from God, given as a blessing for human well-being and for the fulfillment of God’s creation purposes.”⁷ A brief Biblical theology helps determine that this statement is derived from Scripture.

The first allusion to the concept of marriage is found in the creation narrative. The entirety of Scripture grounds its understanding of marriage in this passage: “[T]he man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:23-24). Regarding the creation of Eve from himself, Adam uttered his first words in poetic verse, captivated by the beauty and companionship given to him by God.⁸ While Adam used to be alone, the only human being, he is no longer so, for he has a companion made by God and called good. This unity brought about by God in the creation of the woman is so strong that the narrator adds the statement that so powerfully characterizes Biblical marriage: They have become one flesh, and in doing so, they have formulated a covenant relationship with each other.⁹ Regarding these verses, John Calvin writes, “Adam indicates that something has been wanting to him; as if he had said, ‘Now at length I have obtained a suitable companion, who is part of the substance of my flesh, and in whom I behold, as it were, another self.’”¹⁰ In short, Adam self-identifies with the woman; they are no longer individuals alone but one together. This language of “leav[ing]” and “hold[ing] fast,” demonstrate their unity in the covenant they have made, more potent than family and reflecting the covenant of God with His people.¹¹ However, things quickly take a turn for the worse.

Many people are familiar with what happens next in the creation narrative, and it is an event that has affected every facet of humanity and creation: the cunning snake deceives the woman, leading her to eat and give the forbidden fruit to her husband. Marriage is no exception to this event, and neither is the gift of sex: “Sex [and marriage] is not what [they are] meant to be. Rather than realizing the design and purpose of sex [and marriage], [humans] experience confusion, chaos, and corruption brought about by sin.”¹² God tells the woman she will have a painful childbirth, and her desires will not align with her husband (Gen. 3:16). This sin and its consequences ultimately explain the misunderstandings involving marriage and sex today. Indeed, “[i]n different ways and to different degrees, every marriage [even non-traditional unions] thereafter show the effects of God’s decree.”¹³ However, the result is not completely hopeless.

The Old Testament has more to say about marriage other than the fact that it was created good by God and defiled by the fall. Primarily, two passages directly correlate with marriage: The Song of Solomon and Malachi 2:14. The former is poetry “devoted to celebrating married love, assuring the covenant community that God’s will is marital happiness,”¹⁴ and the latter reiterates the consequences of sin as well as the covenant emphasis of marriage: “the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” These declarations from the poet and prophet are profound, for they demonstrate that marriage is still a holy union to be celebrated, even if sin has made it difficult to enjoy.

The New Testament also has much to say about the concept. In Ephesians 5:25, Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Explicitly, although foreshadowed in the Old Testament as a picture of God’s covenant with humanity, marriage is connected to a reflection of Jesus’s relationship and union with the Church—the fulfillment of the same covenant. This powerful imperative shows “that the betrothal of the [C]hurch to Christ (2 Cor. 11:1-3), and the union of the believer with Christ (1 Cor. 6:16-17), are not mere metaphors. They are the reality to which a Christian marriage points when it demonstrates the beauty described in Ephesians 5.”¹⁵ By duty, Christian men should imitate Christ in His sacrificial love, even dying for their wives if needed, as Christ died for the Church.¹⁶

God’s Purposes for Marriage

As stated, marriage has four main purposes: procreation, unification, remedying sin, and benefitting society. First, sex is a gift and means of procreation given by God to fulfill the cultural mandate of Genesis 1:28: “God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.’” Sex is meant for this covenant of marriage between a singular man and a singular woman as defined by God in His Word and nothing else so that “children [are] brought up in the fear of the Lord, and to the praise of [H]is holy name.”¹⁷ Second, marriage brings a man and a woman into one flesh to enjoy life knowing God together. Third, marriage serves as a “bulwark against temptation”¹⁸ “to avoid fornication, that those who have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled,” as Paul suggests in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5.¹⁹ Lastly, marriage exists for the good of the world, “serv[ing] a public good as the foundation of society.”²⁰ However important these four purposes are, there exists a chief purpose: Marriage is intended by God as it always has been and always will be to point to Christ’s relationship with the Church, which will be fully realized when Christ comes again. When that time arrives, the “‘one-flesh-ness’ of human marriage, sacred but provisional, points forward and upward to the eternal spiritual union of Christ with [H]is [B]ride, the [C]hurch. The symbolism inherent in earthly marriage lends the relationship greater dignity; its significance goes beyond the human and temporal to the divine and eternal.”²¹

Conclusion

In summary, God ordained and defined marriage as the covenant between a man and a woman for procreation, unification, combating sin, serving humanity, and chiefly, pointing humanity to Christ and His Bride, the Church. For this reason, Christians should not endorse any view contrary to the one God defines in His Word. Doing so would be a grave error. However, in such a tumultuous time, Christians must be charitable to other viewpoints, knowing that confusion and mistakes are consequences of the sinful state of humanity. They must offer the hope and peace of Christ to those who may disagree with this Biblical definition of marriage, knowing that the sin others struggle with is no worse than the sin in their hearts. Moreover, regardless of their success in defending this crucial understanding of marriage, they must anticipate with great exultation the coming of the Savior to be joined to His Bride, making all things completely good.

Bibliography

Alexander, T. Desmond, Brian S. Rosner, D.A. Carson, and Graeme Goldsworthy, eds. New Dictionary of Biblical Theology: Exploring the Unity & Diversity of Scripture. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2000.

Allberry, Sam. Is God Anti-Gay?: And Other Questions About Homosexuality, The Bible and Same-sex Attraction. 2015. Reprint, Epsom, UK: The Good Book Company, 2018.

———. Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With? Epsom, UK: The Good Book Company, 2020.

Calvin, John. Commentaries on the Book of Genesis. In Calvin’s Commentaries. Vol. 1, Genesis, translated by John King. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2005.

Calvin, John. Commentaries on the Epistle of Paul to the Ephesians. In Calvin’s Commentaries. Vol. 21, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, I & II Thessalonians, I & II Timothy, Titus, Philemon, translated by William Pringle. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2003.

Magnuson, Ken. Christian Ethics: Moral Reasoning and Contemporary Issues. Invitation to Theological Studies Series. Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Academic, 2020.

The 1662 Book of Common Prayer. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2021.

Footnotes

1. The 1662 Book of Common Prayer, 315. ↩

2. Sam Allberry, Is God Anti-Gay? (2015; repr. Epsom, UK: The Good Book Company, 2018), 39. ↩

3. Ibid. ↩

4. Sam Allberry, Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With? (Epsom, UK: The Good Book Company, 2020), 107-108. ↩

5. Unless otherwise specified, all Scripture references are to the English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016). ↩

6. Ken Magnuson, Christian Ethics: Moral Reasoning and Contemporary Issues, Invitation to Theological Studies Series (Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Academic, 2020), 177. ↩

7. Ibid., 175. ↩

8. Alexander et al., eds., New Dictionary of Biblical Theology: Exploring the Unity and Diversity of Scripture (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2000), 655. ↩

9. Alexander et al., 655. ↩

10. Calvin, Commentaries on the Book of Genesis, 135. ↩

11. Magnuson, 176. ↩

12. Ibid., 160. ↩

13. Alexander et al., 655. ↩

14. Ibid., 656. ↩

15. Ibid. ↩

16. Calvin, Commentaries on the Epistle of Paul to the Ephesians, 318. ↩

17. The 1662 Book of Common Prayer, 313. ↩

18. Magnuson, 181. ↩

19. The 1662 Book of Common Prayer, 313. ↩

20. Magnuson, 181. ↩

21. Alexander et al., 657. ↩